EverywhereEverything reminds me of you. I can't bear to change the sheetsbecause your pillowcase still holds your scent. I inhale fiercely,wanting this intake of breath to last forever, it's all I have left of you.Everything I view in this house bears your imprint, your face.A tie hanging over a door handle taunts me, and I knowI'll never get rid of the memories and the longing.I walked outside today and remembered that every footstep I tookwas another footstep taken without you. I went about my daily businessand remembered; we ate there - we sat there - we embraced there.Walking past that building nearly killed me because I knew you were insideso close to where I stood but I could never come inside.I know I'm not welcome any more, so I just walk on and hold my tears.I'm afraid to read, lest one of your markers should fall from the page.I'm afraid to open any drawer or cupboard in case your things are there,or worse, some gift or old Valentine's card lays in waiting to crush me onc
I Miss YouI woke, I sighed and my eyes opened to loneliness.My heart saw that empty space and slept once more,I tried to wake it, but it cannot fathom its existenceSince you decided it was no longer your desireSince yours closed its doors I have been a lonely soul.You don't remember what it was we loved forOr the things which brought us together, tied us gently.Under my ribs, my heart sleeps in sadness.
Wishful ThinkingMy mind is full of unsung love songs,unwritten letters and unsaid words.I have a thousand poems in my heartthat I never wrote for you.There are a thousand sweet nothingsI never whispered, a thousand 'I love yous'I never said.Had I the means to rewind the clocksand turn back the time I'd tell you every single thing.How my heart still skips when you walk into the roomHow one smile on your face brightens my life.I'd tell you that you are my worldand without you I am simply a lost soul.My mind is full of hurtful words,said in spite and now, in shame,I have a thousand memories in my headthat I wish I'd never created.There are a thousand thingswhich should have remained unsaid,which I now regret.Had I the means to rewind the clocksand turn back the time I'd take back every single thing.So many words I didn't mean, said in anger and hurtand never considered for one moment.I would simply tell you that you are my worldand without you I am a lost soul.
My Mother Is Still ProudPerhaps, in those times of learning psalmsand shiny shoes, there was a Godwho would love me and protect me, as longas i wore the itchy dress and brushed my hair.Maybe I really would have had salvationif I had sat up straight like the other girls in my Sunday school.Would I have been saved? If I had kept my mouth closedLegs closed, mind closed? Would I be a saint?Had I lived a sinfree life thenWould life now be carefree?The memories are so faint now,that I can barely see them at all.The dusty walls and shining glassand the Mother who watched with weeping eyesas we apologised for being mere humansand offered up our souls.My mother is still proud of meeven without that hated dress.
That NightThe stars are entwined with my eyelashes;embroidered into the lids that hide the worldfrom me, when I like. The last time I felt themwas when we walked at midnight and you kissedmy cheek and told me you did not love me - and I smiled.A year flew past me, its feathers flutteringwith soft sighs and fierce embraces. Our liveswere intertwined, sewn together like the stars.You do not remember breaking my heart, you say.But I remember you picking up each ragged partand slowly, carefully, stitching them again.And I knew that you had lied - and I smiled.
SmallMy hand is so big; huge,curled around his little shoulder.It shocks me, just for a second. It is clumsyand ugly next to his delicate features.My fingers are nearly the thickness of his wrist,my wrist, his neck... my neck, his waist.He frightens me. I am so bigand he is so small.