I spend my days in a haze
of nicotine, caffeine and codeine
so I can function; there's no option
with a kid who needs me upright
compos mentis, sweetness and light.
It keeps away the headaches
burning skin and aches and pains
so he can hug me and I'll feel him
without wincing and pushing him
away because my skin is burning.
And I've been tossing and turning
all night, aware that my plight
is that of hundreds, even thousands;
it helps to know I'm not alone
that others' skin, muscle and bone
betrays them, they're also in a haze
that keeps us sane, contains
the bane of our existences
sustains us, maintains
our ability to function for our loved ones
hoping we can outrun our bodies
and fretful minds, the lines
get blurred sometimes
and that haze keeps our gaze
from glazing over when we're loving
from a chair or bed that's crushing
our self-worth, confidence in our
ability to truly see the world
through our children's eyes
and we're surprised when those kids
accept us like it's normal
they still think we're immortal
snd I like that. I want to be the strong one
for this child who puts his trust in me
I want him to see the me that's free
despite my body's constraints
my regular pained complaints;
He loves me. I love him.
For both of us, that's enough
to carry us through, tattoo
our love upon our hearts; those parts
are the only ones that matter
and they won't hurt while we're together.
Best read aloud, I think (hope?). Parenting through a chronic illness.
As a parent with a chronic pain condition this poem spoke volumes to me. It describes the everyday feelings of hopefulness that the medication will mean that we can receive physical affection from our loved ones without causing them emotional pain if they think they are hurting us. I agree our children think it's normal which is fantastic as they accept people more easily than children that don't have daily interactions with disabled parents. We are the fortunate ones that have kind, caring children full of love and hope. I feel that this poem should be displayed on a chronic pain help page for parents to show friends and family as it explains in great detail how a lot of people feel with this condition. Well done on a fabulous poem.
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